Updated: Jun 7
#5 PEOPLE WON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR HEALING
Have you ever felt guilty for Healing? I have, which has put me at crossroads for many life decisions. Each of us heals differently at different times if you ever choose that path. Setting up boundaries and living your truth may hurt people around you, but the person that truly gets hurt is YOU. Boundaries are necessary which can cause more alone time. Not going to that party gathering or holiday celebration may be the best for your mental health but your absence may bother others. Healing alone builds strength.
When you are Healing you start to realize everything you compromised for others and how many relationships with family and friends are just toxic. Throughout my life, I have struggled with keeping healthy boundaries. What I mean by that is not allowing anyone accesses to you for just any moment just cause. Building fake friendships based on association, hanging out or convenience left me empty when I needed a true friend. Family may not understand your Healing journey because they have not tried to heal the parts of them that need Healing as well. No matter how much you love someone set up that boundary so that you may Heal the parts of you that still hurt.
These past 15 years have been eye-opening and extremely difficult for me. I stood quiet and always acted happy even when I was struggling with my depression and addictions. I didn't let anyone see how much pain I was in which was sort of clown-like. I would put on a smile or be the life of the party but inside I was hurting and using alcohol and drugs not to feel the parts of me that needed Healing. I craved the love that was missing in my family so every time I dated someone I tried to fit into their family. Being misunderstood and judged for being me made me rethink the people I had around me in my life. When you don't set up boundaries with family and friends that you may love, then your wounds will get deeper and harder to repair. I have a very difficult relationship with my father which has led me to set up a boundary with him. My peace of mind will not be compensated to anybody anymore even if you are my parent. I can not expect my father to understand my healing journey if he can not even say sorry or take accountability for the effects he has caused me my whole life. They say to forgive and move on but I say set up a boundary and heal. Waiting for the "I'm sorry" and "I love you" may cause you more pain than just understanding Healing hurts but loving yourself is more rewarding.
Friendships have always been weird for me so being in relationships felt more comfortable. At one point in my life, I had so many relationships with many people for long periods just to know I had someone there. Even if they were toxic relationships based on sex, alcohol, and drugs to me they were better than not having anyone around. I didn't make many friends in elementary because I was bigger than most girls because I played softball, was in dancing school, liked to eat, and was trying to figure out my sexuality. I knew I was bisexual but felt to fit in I had to do what everyone else was doing. Some of my best friends were wealthy and in the cool crowd which made me think to be loved I had to act like them. They didn't know about the depression I suffered from due to my issues at home, being molested at an early age by a cousin, and being raped in my teens. Again I hid my pain with a clown-like face but what I needed was the support to heal the parts of me that were secretly in pain. By 18, I already learned ways to cope, distract and use people to fill my voids of lacked love. There were no boundaries set up for anyone, not even for me. I did what I learned just to fit in but it spiraled into years of sex, alcohol and drug addiction, and a toxic relationship with myself.
Setting up boundaries is the self-discipline that will help you heal in ways that you never thought you needed. From family and friends, choose yourself first in every situation. Don't make yourself uncomfortable for others' comfort or continue the facade that everything is okay. By doing this you are Healing your wounds and will become stronger than you ever thought you could. Healing takes time and effort but you need to set up boundaries to help yourself not fall back into bad habits or put yourself into situations that you are not comfortable with. Not being invited or included may be the blessing in disguise that you need. Healing Boundaries are necessary for this difficult journey of closing up wounds one stitch at a time. Let's FEEL & HEAL together and continue to inspire others. Healing is not easy, keeping boundaries is difficult, and self-discipline will heal the parts of you that you didn't know needed Healing.